The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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