i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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