One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
