I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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