I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
