It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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