Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
