spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
