if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
