Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
