Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
