apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
