when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
