You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
