I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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