Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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