he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
