Swine flu. Run for my life!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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