She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
