We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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