Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
