these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
