It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
