Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
