I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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