Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i dont even know how to be here
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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