I faked an abortion last night.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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