Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
