You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
