Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
