I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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