I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
do nipples grow back?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
