It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
