Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
