Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
