I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
