Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
