He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
