He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
