Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
