When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
