I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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