I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
