Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
