Sponge bath it is.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
