Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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