she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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