This is not my ceiling
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
