it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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