After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
