It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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