Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
