Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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