Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
