I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
