my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
