He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
