her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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