Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
