I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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