I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
