I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
there was a trapeze. enough said
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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